“Wouldn’t it be amazing to be a teenager again. Just for one day . . .”
I saw this on an Instagram post recently from @ Murphys_sketches. And it immediately pulled my heart into my throat.
Every time I drive through my hometown on my way somewhere, I think about how amazing it would be to be a tourist in my own memories. Just for a day. I don’t want to time travel in the traditional sense (ha). I don’t want to observe myself as a teenager. I want to embody myself as a teenager. I want to experience that version of myself and enjoy a day with my childhood friends. What if we could? Would you do it?
It’s not physically possible to do this. But we can daydream. We can reminisce. If I focus my recollection, I can very clearly see specific happy scenes, like watching a clip from a movie.
I grew up in the country, with long two-way highways stretching through cornfields and cow pastures. What we did for fun as teens was relegated to the fun we could make in our own backyards and the beater cars we drove, piled together like sardines if we wanted to go to Perkins or the movies. But oh, we knew how to have fun. And to laugh and laugh. Remember when we burned an old couch on a bonfire, shot potato guns into a back field, and went skinny dipping in a lake? Remember the board games and late night talks?
Of course I’d edit out the bad parts—the insecurities, unrequited crushes, cruel kids at school, frustrating homework, and personal disappointments. Taking a journey to the hard memories is important sometimes too. We can look back on those difficult times and feel grateful we’re past that now. We can better understand why we are the way we are. We can feel proud of ourselves for continuing on. But, in this fantasy tour of a past life, the highlight reel is where we’re headed.
I’m happy to be in my mid-thirties now. Life is good. But to slip back into the skin of 16-year-old me? Yeah, I’d do it for a day or two. I would love to hangout with the teenage version of those friends too. Getting lunch or catching up in DMs is really not the same.
Give it another 20 years and I know I’ll fantasize about the days I’m currently living too. When my kids still reach for my hand on a walk, the way they make me laugh until I cry at the most inconvenient times, and how our house is a tangible I Spy scene of tiny objects strewn across every surface—daily evidence of the little people who live here. I know I’ll long for those lazy Saturdays in the backyard or playing Mario Kart in our messy basement. I’ll look back fondly at this current phase of my marriage, my friendships, my neighborhood community. I’ll think about our dog and what it was like to get to know him.
These are the good old days, I say aloud every once in awhile. Just to remind myself that I’m living the fantasy. I’m living the way-back-when.
Remembering the good times is healthy, I think. Looking back at the past with rose-colored glasses is fun. Why not? Why not ignore the uncomfortable bits and revel in the joy? So long as we don’t get stuck there. The past is the past, after all. A vacation down memory lane is good for the soul, so long as it gives us fuel for the present and a hope for the future.
What about you? What age or phase of life would you like to revisit? What version of yourself would you like to embody, even if just for a day?
Thanks for reading,
—NK
I guess I see a big difference between what the original poster on Insta was saying (“Wouldn’t it be amazing to be a teenager again. Just for one day . . .”) and what you're saying ("But, in this fantasy tour of a past life, the highlight reel is where we’re headed.")
It seems to me that the conundrum behind the original question is, "Would you take teenage life again, warts and all?" Because otherwise, you're talking about a fantasy - a teenage life you didn't even lead. To TRULY be a teenager, even for a day or two, would mean ALL of it: "the insecurities, unrequited crushes, cruel kids at school, frustrating homework, and personal disappointments." With all of that included, as it was the first time, would you take it back then?
I daresay I wouldn't. MAYBE for a day or two, but the feeling of being a teenager was, I think, a much greater emotional burden than I bear in my life right now... and I was an extremely happy teenager. Sure, I'd tour the highlights... but that wouldn't be a true teenage experience. A true teenage experience is highs that you'll likely never see again, and lows you're glad are behind you. In THAT context, I think I'll stick with what I've got now!