On Sunday during a quick grocery run, I passed by a woman who looked familiar. We locked eyes for a second and then looked away. I racked my brain, trying to place her as I picked out my produce. She looked a bit like a college professor I had, but I wasn’t sure. Then later, by the deli meat, she walked by again and this time she called my name. I smiled, but still wasn’t sure who she was.
“Marla!” She beamed. “From the bus!”
Of course. Marla. I hadn’t seen her for at least seven years, before my first child was born. We used to ride the same bus to downtown Minneapolis and back again every day. Marla is one of those warm, friendly people who makes friends everywhere she goes, it seems. I was lucky enough to sit by her once, and we struck up a conversation. From then on out, we’d try to save each other a seat and pass the time talking about our families, our jobs, this and that. You can learn a lot about another person in thirty minutes a day! She had a side gig as a florist, so I even suggested her to my brother and he hired her to do the flowers for his wedding! But when my husband and I bought a house, I started taking a different bus to work. I didn’t see Marla again. Until now.
So for about 10 minutes in Cub Foods, we caught up about our lives. We exchanged pandemic experiences, I showed her photos of my kids, she talked about her grandkids, we described how our jobs had changed over time, and then we said goodbye and went our separate ways. I think I may have smiled all the way home. It was such a delight to see her!
How many other people pass in and out of our lives like this? I don’t even know her last name—and yet she knows more about me than some of my colleagues do.
There are other meaningful strangers in my life too, like the barista who tries to have my latte ready before I arrive at the drive-thru window. The neighbors I make small talk with at the playground while we watch our kids. The servers at the family-owned Mexican restaurant I see with my husband at our weekly lunch date. And on and on.
Strangers and acquaintances make ordinary parts of my life more enjoyable. I really missed those connections in 2020 when I stopped riding the bus, stopped working in an office, stopped going to restaurants, stopped going to church, and even stopped going to the park for awhile. By 2021, I was struggling. All the little interactions with various people throughout the day actually do add up to buoy my overall happiness. Without it, I was unmoored. (But let me be clear—staying physically apart from most people until I was vaccinated was still the right choice for me. I will not debate that here.)
A recent study found a link between well-being and the diverse types of interactions with other people in daily life. It’s not enough to just have healthy relationships with your family or the people you live with, or a few close friends. Strangers and passing acquaintances matter a whole lot.
I heard about this study on NPR in October and it came to mind again after reconnecting with Marla at the grocery store. According to the NPR piece:
“the study gives insight to the idea that humans are social creatures at heart. Having a support system is important, but it goes beyond your inner circle.
‘It's about this mix. It's about connecting with people who are close to you, who are maybe less close to you, who connect you with other people, who provide different kinds of support,’ [Hanne Collins] said.
‘Essentially, the idea is that the more diverse your social portfolio, the happier you are and the higher your well-being.’”
This tracks with my experience of life and deepens my appreciation for all the different people I’ve encountered in passing. They make ordinary life more fulfilling and help me feel happier too. My bus friend Marla started out as a stranger, but now she feels like an old friend—even if she is someone I only bump into by chance. We don’t take the bus downtown anymore, but apparently we shop at the same grocery store. I hope I’ll see her again!
I’d love to hear how your life has been positively impacted by random interactions in your daily life too, in big or small ways.
Thanks for reading!
—NK
Your post brings to mind: “I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen.” - John Steinbeck